Happy 5th Birthday Molly Ann!

Sweet Pea,
Today marks 5 years since you were born!  It's amazing to me what has happened in these past 5 years.  In some ways, I feel that I am living the life I hoped I would after handing you to Jesus and then in other ways my heart has a perfect Molly sized hole that will only be filled in glory.

Lately I have been volunteering at church in the kids ministry.  It's something we haven't done since I was pregnant with you.  In fact, the picture I have when I check in to serve at church is a photo of me carrying you in my tummy.  It was taken when we served in the 2 year old room and hasn't been changed, which is always something I think about each time I check in to volunteer. Instead of serving with the 2 year olds, this time I was placed in the 5 year old room.  Each week I am there, I get a little taste of what it would be like to have you here with us.  A busy little girl, who would choose out her own clothes and shoes and maybe take some money for the offering.  Your hair would be golden blonde, held back by a headband at your Daddy's request.  You would dance silly and wave your arms during the songs and probably spend most of the free time at the coloring table or in the dress up section.  You would make friends with some of the other little girls and you would giggle and talk about  how you don't like bugs or how your shirt matches your friends' shirt.  While I will never know exactly what you would be like, it's been soothing to my heart to be able to serve with that age group.

Oh Molly, I am so ready to be with you in Heaven.  I miss you so very much!! I looked through photos of you just now and was taken back to our days with you.  They were so wonderful and so short, too short.  I wish I could jump back in time and spend an hour with you, talking to you and rubbing your back or little hands. Having your baby sister, Rainey has given me a small glimpse into what life would have been like with one baby.  I think of you often when I snuggle her or hug her tight. Her skin reminds me of yours, so soft and smooth.

I imagine your birthday party in Heaven is a smash hit!! The cupcakes I will be making for you won't compare to the sights, sounds, and tastes of glory and being with Jesus. I love you sweet girl. I cannot wait to see you again.

I love you so much precious girl!! You are and always will be my favorite Molly Ann!

Hugs and Kisses from here to there,
Mommy

Happy Mother's Day

I am blessed beyond measure.
I am filled to the brim with joy.
I am delighted to be called Mommy!

Three beautiful daughters to hold and kiss as much as I want!

My heart is happy and full!!

Easter Fun 2013

I had a baby 7 months ago...

And about four weeks into that tiny little girls' life, we decided we needed more chaos so we started potty training our twins who were just 2 and 1/2 years old.

People told me I was crazy. And they were right. I was sleep deprived, hungry, hormonal, tired of changing three sets of diapers multiple times a day, and yet we did it anyway.  I stopped nursing Rainey multiple times to run a toddler to the potty with pee running down her legs, or to clean up an accident before it became part of our carpet for good.

The twins are now truly potty trained.  Even at night, they stay dry which we are super grateful for.  Now I am only changing diapers for one small child, which I don't mind one bit.

Rainey is now 7 months old.  She likes to sit up, smack her hands on her legs and the floor, grasping for anything to wrap her delicate fingers around.  She loves sweet potatoes, carrots, yogurt, and chewing on anything she can get her hands on.  She especially loves it when I wear long, bubbly necklaces that she can stuff into her mouth and gnaw on as drool pours out of her mouth.  It's messy, but pretty sweet.

Sweet girl!!She is so happy and loveable!

 Play time with cousin Shiloh!!  They are best buddies!!

Bundled up in the front pack on Mommy for a nice long winter hike!!

Bathtime with big sisters!! Rainey absolutely loves this.  She is so enamored with all that the twins are doing on either side of her.

She is sweet, giggly, and brightens our spirits whenever we see her.  She loves to watch her big sisters running circles around her.  One evening, I was trying to feed her some solids after her bottle and I had a hard time getting the spoon into her mouth because she had her eyes trained on Piper who was opening and closing the shades in the kitchen, over and over again.

We have had a busy season since she came into our lives.  When I find time to write again, I'll tell you about some of our adventures and trips we've been on.  For now I'm so tired, I'm not really focusing on the computer screen, just trying to think of how to finish this post. Oh.. I know!

The end.

A New Tradition

I know it's a little late to be talking about Christmas, but I just felt so compelled to write this very moment.  I started a new tradition with our little family last Christmas, in 2011.  I can't remember where I thought of it, but it's a really sweet one and something I hope sticks around for awhile.

If you were to visit our home during this past Christmas season you would see all the great decorations that I have an absolute blast hanging up and displaying. It is probably my favorite holiday to decorate for.  You would hear Christmas music playing throughout the house and you would probably smell a warm scent of cinnamon or peppermint as a candle burns on our kitchen counter.

You would also see our mantle and what's hanging from it.  Nothing out of the ordinary, just the typical group of stockings dangling from their perch upon the mantle.  And your eyes would glance from left to right and enjoy the various details on each one.  There's Jacob's stocking with it's incredible needlepoint depiction of the three wise men, one his amazing Grandma made for him.  Then you would see mine, also a needlepoint but from Lands End and not someone's Grandma. :)  It has an angel on it that I think is declaring the glory of God.  Then there's Piper's with a ballerina on it, Lily's with a red doll, and then Rainey's with an ice skater.   And then your eyes would stop.  Hang on a second, you've got an extra stocking up there.  Let me count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.  Six? Why are there six?  Oh.  There's a stocking for Molly hanging in the midst of the rest of our girls' stockings.

Sweet Molly.  Her stocking has a beautiful angel on it dressed in white, with blonde hair.  I bought it for her our first Christmas without her in 2008.  And in 2011, I finally put something inside of it.

We had my husband's family in town for Christmas that year and since we spent the holidays in the mountains, we brought our stockings with us.

I have never really known what to put in her stocking or how to incorporate her during Christmas.  I have some ornaments that are hers and sometimes I add another one that made me think of her.  But quite honestly, that was all I had done to remember her during Christmas.

So in 2011, I bought a small notebook with sheets of colored paper in it and propped it up with a pen on the ledge above her stocking.  And then I waited.  And then someone asked, what's the notebook for?  Yes! I get to tell them my great idea!

It's for Molly, I say.  You can write her a note and stick it in her stocking.  Draw her a picture or do whatever.  No pressure, of course, just wanted to throw it out there for people if they wanted to.

Several days after all the family had gone home and we were back in our usual routine, I sat down at the kitchen table to read those six precious letters.  Something I treasure more than any gift I could be given on Christmas day.  I remember crying through each one, even the one Lily had down where she scrawled on it with a pen and then I wrote her name on it, the date, and a short note, I love you Molly.

And then today, January 17th, when I should have been making dinner, I finally sat down to read five more letters placed in her stocking less than a month ago.  And I just cried.  I did. I wept like we had just lost her.  The pain was so fresh and the memories so clear.  I glanced through photos of her precious face, already with Jesus, and I sobbed.  Hunched over at my desk, I felt that familiar ache and the longing that I have to be in the presence of my Savior and my sweet Molly.

I realize that we may not always do this one tradition and one day we will probably forget.  But for now, it's sweet and something I cherish as I think of our sweet girl and long for the day when I will go to be with her.

(Now I gotta go make dinner for my family!!)

Meet Rainey Elizabeth Mutz

The newest member of our family has arrived!  It has only taken me 2 weeks since she was born to make the time to share about her arrival. Something about now having three kids, all under 2 1/2, might have something to do with my lack of posting these days.

In any case, here's the story in pictures.

Before leaving for the hospital, we took a few family photos of the four of us.

Seconds after she was born, I had the prize in my arms!! Well worth the hard work it took to bring her into the world.

An incredibly, super proud Daddy!! He did an amazing job supporting me through the labor and delivery process.  That story to come later, when I have more brain cells.

Some snuggle time.

Beautiful blue eyes, just like her sisters!!

The weigh in:  8 pounds 8.8 ounces, 21 1/4 inches long.

Rainey Elizabeth Mutz: Born on Tuesday September 11th at 6:58 p.m.

 The twins were SO excited to meet their baby sister!!

Our new family picture!  Now a family of five!

8 weeks to go

Being pregnant and chasing around two toddlers is a far cry from being pregnant and propping my feet up anytime I felt like it.  I had quite the luxurious life when I was pregnant with Molly and then again with the twins.  I wasn't chasing anyone around except our dogs when they weren't behaving.

This time has been different and I have decided that even though I have been pregnant several times, each time has a unique set of differences all its own.  And I am reminded once again that carrying this sweet life inside is such a gift that outweighs any sleepless nights, complications, aching back, or the effort it now takes to get off the floor at least 20 times a day.

We found out about this little stowaway just after Christmas was over and my husband's family had gone back home from being with us for the holiday.  I was in a bit of denial that I was even pregnant because I had taken a few tests that had come back negative and we had experienced two miscarriages earlier that summer.  And if I was pregnant, I sure wasn't going to get my hopes up or anything just yet.  So we told our families and kept the secret close until we saw our tiny baby's heart beating wildly at 9 weeks along.

Fast forward to 18 weeks, we had an ultrasound to check for any abnormalities or complications with this new life and were grateful to hear a good report with no findings.  We also had the ultrasound tech share the gender of our baby with my sister in law, Johanna, who came with us to our appointment.  She and the twins' babysitter, Hillary, worked hard the following day to put on a gender reveal party where we ended up finding out what gender our baby is.  We invited lots of friends and even had my older sister and her family there for the big reveal.  No one knew the secret until Jake and I both bit into delicious cupcakes where we found a yummy filling tinted a soft baby, PINK!! Another girl to grace our home!! We are delighted!

That party seems like just a few weeks ago and yet here I am with only 8 weeks to go.  I am 32 weeks and still enjoying every kick, squirm, and wiggle.  I have learned her little schedule and she wakes up every morning around 7:30 which means I am also awake. And I'm pretty sure she gets the hiccups every day which always keeps me at ease, knowing she's still with me.

We are excited to meet this little one but hopefully not just yet.  I still have a nursery to paint and decorate, not to mention we still haven't settled on a name for her.  I told a friend recently that I will be unprepared if she comes early as none of her older sisters ever came early.  Molly was born at 41 weeks and the twins were still comfy when we went in for a scheduled c-section at 38 weeks.  So if she comes early, I will be shocked and not prepared, to say the least.

Hope you enjoy our little update.  I would share pictures of the reveal party but I am in the mountains and don't have my computer with all my pictures on it.